Week 52

Week ending October 31

I didn't understand how I just couldn't get back for 3 hours, and I still hadn't eaten. And I couldn't find my shoes.

Don't really want to write everything that happened last night.

Big Screaming Bear Picture.

And is hope a sort of violence too?

This "character" type kept yelling "Don't Play Merle Haggard!"

"Myra" just happened to have a GPS and said get in I'll drive you there.

When you're really suffering you don't ask why, you just survive it.

And I've felt an undercurrent of confusion ever since.

My mother's dream of unused rooms, 13 children with down's syndrome, and lots of cans of tomatoes. "I have never had a dream with Uncle Joyce in it."

"Time is the economy of being."

Everything went wrong in the night.

Week 51

Week ending October 24

One tension replaced by another tension.

Conjuring up emotional states for the sake of a poetics.

All the rest of the night my dreams are consumed with this question.

A skipped page.

Wishing my whole life could be an atmospheric.

A general inquiry when you meant to inquire more specifically.

In the future, speaking in past tense about the present.

The floor is on the walls.

A split second when I could have turned back but I didn't.

Being relieved of hours.

Those who appear in dreams and those who do not.

Eleven minutes to decide.

Week 50

Week ending October 17

Squash soup, striped bread, and three orange slices.

I walked to another city.

Dreamt a prophetic dream but it was not dreamt by me, and so I can't remember it.

The only healing is healing within the body itself.

Two birds flying in opposite directions.

I felt the hectic energy too much.

Sometimes the rain makes you feel bent out of shape, but it is good for you.

It turned out to be real but I thought I was having a vision until I got up close.


Soda-tax

"I'm seeing a whole wall of sugar here."


I have to be brave.

Week 49

Week ending October 10

Everyone covering their eyes.

The season has changed.

I dreamed I was a seagull and I was teasing the ocean. Dipping down, tapping the water, flying back up. Etc.

Feeling split between cities.

Her advice is it's like nailpolish.

Pretending what I want to be told, I'm being told.

Behind the music or in front of the music around the music inside the music. Following the music.

Why are angels always in doorways?

Saw a pigeon swoop down in BART on the escalator like he's going to take a train too.

Anything could happen at any time but never does.

Every moment of silence I close my eyes.

The wrong situation I have bravery and the right one I don't.

Every chakra wracked in pain.

then she asked anything else blink anything else blink

Week 48

Week ending October 3


Every headache is the same headache.

It may have been convoluted on my part.

some sort of reality edging

I have weird abilities.

Everything is beautiful and everything ends.

only the moment in a yogic way can save me

One of those hypersensitive. Oh.

My device is irrelevant.

The pages I've skipped, leaving blank.

"Their lies enough"

Slept hard and fuzzy.

I kept saying to myself, I'll try harder,
and a voice says try less.

Dreamt I was leaving the castle.
It was a nice walk and I was happy.

Week 47

Week ending September 26


John Wieners writing in html.

Everything in an autumn equinox during the autumn equinox.

The moon is having a human being parade.

Agni sara

"hell is not hell"

Now you don't see anything but yourself at night.

The subject is the audience.

Hyperconsciousness a violence.

You know what they say about bending over backwards for people.

"It's a gamble right?"

"Yeah, but it wouldn't matter
because she's dead."

I want to hear hold music.

Every daydream a device.

Week 46

Week ending September 19

A voice says don't write that!

Pluto's gone straight.

They are doing so through disempowerment.

They will say you are talking too fast.

The consciousness it takes to know what would hurt someone else.

Ate tofu mixed with meat and vegetables.

in the cold Sunset rain, nostalgia for

The window is almost completely shut.

Wide awake at midnight.

Why would you get out of rehab and go to a wedding?

Two matches; Or, things I'm going to burn.

The reason for something is much less interesting than the fact of said something's existence, which tells you everything you need to know.

Maybe the heat will pop it.

I'll never have to go to Walgreens again.

So he created himself in me.

Weight 124, heartbeat 79, blood pressure 100/66, temperature 98.1.

Wish I had an orange.

I woke up at 5:45 AM & I felt like they were watching me & I should just leave.

My suitcase was as light as a feather.

List of Almost Faintings.

Wiener's The Windows

Week 45

Week ending September 12

The fact of cruelty.

Finally got a broom.

so many dreams live lost

I have every sexual power.

for the trees over and over

Nostalgia is a form of violence to the present.

Stuffed animals as first sexual experiences.

the secret point after all

"Got tired of starting from square one over and over again."

At least its not that day anymore.

My top key fell out.

Slugging back straight apple cider vinegar.

even if they don't think they do

Week 44

Week ending September 5

"Do your practice and all is coming."

Beauty is ethical.
Debt is a form of violence.

Meditated for a long time and feel like a snail.

Saw a bright blue cone, neon blue.

Oakland is good for remembering dreams.

I hope it is the solution
as I want it to be the solution and to never go back.

I guess I'll just wait for it to go into my brain and I'll die.

I always feel like Lurch in the Addams Family, shaking my head
in disbelief and annoyance.

I'm wearing my butterfly shirt, symbolizing lost souls.

And then I realized if I'm fast forwarding through a movie,
maybe I should just turn it off.

Dreamt of the Tin Man, and I was trying to find him a heart.
Maybe I'm always Diana Ross in my subconscious.

An overzealous beginning leads to a leaden ending.

I want fried okra.

(straddled across a park bench)

she decided to let them have their personality

How aesthetics commingles with social mores.

Week 43

Week ending August 29

I unplugged last night.

It feels too simple and I want it to be more complex.

My doctor is named Heidi and has a braid.

All day obsessed with John Wieners, want to plaster pictures of him poster sized all over my room, like a movie star, which he kind of is.

the reason women always need to talk and men never do is

Lazy people annoy me because my own laziness annoys me.

I try to think of suicide and I cannot.

Worry prevents things from happening but fear makes them happen.

Corpse pose dream of finding a bucket full of stars.

I wanted sunflower seeds but bought boston baked beans.

Reading exist as exit.

A list of projects.

And he kept saying dirty ass bitch over and over.

A feeling like the frog is listening.

I don't want to know it and want to keep it new forever.

Maybe I'm just *walking* through hell. And where is Virgil?

Week 42

Week ending August 22

If I quit drinking and start going to bed at a decent hour.

In my unconscious states, I always have a job I love.

the I'm going to faint or throw up feeling

I would like to get a bicycle.

My left ear is still fucked up.

And I looked out my window —
which was my childhood bedroom window —
and I indeed saw a frog hopping away.

The clues lead to inconclusivity.

"Disenchantment of the concept is the antidote of philosophy."

So good at surfaces.

Then all these reliefs come.

"empathically reversed gracelessness"

I would've done anything and I did.

Not sure if I'm holding the scales or some abstraction is.

Week 41

Week ending August 15

The 4 questions.

and the mat room had accidentally locked

The unnameable messes itself.

thinking of shadows

A gentle breeze. A discipline.

Afraid the Knight of Swords is really the King of Swords.

How I'd wished he'd just waited and so I wait.

The trick is to love your life whatever it is.

Week 40

Week ending August 8

Not even sure what I'm supposed to be processing.

I love how I think my way out of a depression.

Discovering a silver watch.

"I believe in the rising window."

Everything discolored.

Jersey knit sheets.

Honeymoon is over.

Based on my recent non-interest in my previous self, pretty sure my future self will be completely uninterested in this present self.

In the giving away mood.

Even though what's going to happen is not what's going to happen.

I could be happy with simply ice cream.

The typewriter is a harpsichord.

Despair covers everything.

If we talked about it, maybe it would dissipate.

Keep forgetting when my appointments are.

Hope of a future hope.

A love letter misinterpreted as ordinariness.

If a cup of tea could change your life.

Week 39

Week ending August 1

He said something about the fifth person.

Broken skin.

The fear of nothing is more the fear than anything else.

Impossible, impossible, day.

Everything was miserable and then everything was wonderful, and then everything was OK.

I wonder if it makes more sense in Swedish.
A reference to her having to be invited.

The last night; last night, was too much.

I am on probation.

I defeated the fear of the kitchen stove.

Maybe that is communication.

Creating social conditions in which life can be lived in a human way.

Welcoming identitylessness.

Week 38

Week ending July 25

Entrance is entering.

Everything empty except for that which needs to be emptied.

Dreaming dreams.

"Like a riot, not a show."

A list of things I threw away, and cramps.

All kinds of things interfering with my daydreaming.

Enmeshed in emotional states.

I don't often think about the fact that I'm a woman in a political way.

A list of directions to places.

If you can say "a case."

So that is fear issue #2.

Need steam.

& I want to tell stories.

Rockets are the only thing I can think of.

I could use a box cutter.

The time line is disintegrating.

I hear speeding motors and dramatic music.

Finally, I'm processing something.

It would actually be a good conversation to have.

Week 37

Week ending July 18

Week 36

Week ending July 11

Dreamt of the "weight room."

Went and got some Ginger and Cola $3.03.

One box that'd been for matches, one for beer, and one, mexican spices.

No one laughs.

Crying in the Monet room.

Hearing raspberry tea and imaging blueberry instead.

Week 35

Week ending July 4

If it's near my bed, I'm going to put books in it.

Think of it lightly.

"Deployment of the solution will be scheduled."

"You worry too much."

The trick to being not stressed out by stress is to not not be stressed and then stress is your normal state and it doesn't bother you.

And he said "You are in the right place."

"Do you have this in Libra?"

I'm going to go to one even if one doesn't exist.

Weird specificity of the shower.

Why doesn't someone save the fish.

"Each flashback was an explanation."

A frightening peace.

Week 34

Week ending June 27

Drank 3 glasses of wine, and ate a cream puff.

Because happiness is not in me.

"Call me no longer Naomi"

I clapped 59 times.

Three hearts glued together so I tore the top two off.

There is nothing predictable.

What we could have done together, I did alone.

Johnson's Baby Shampoo smell.

It is hard to express my feelings.

dwi pada.

Should eat more nectarines.

Yuppie ranting: "I get up early in the morning to make my money, how about you?"
Homeless person ranting: "When you look into the mirror what do you see?"

Adagio becomes adagietto.

So I was waiting for the conversation to end.

My butterfly and Jack Spicer's butterfly duking it out.

All my despairs, my own fault.

If this were a lullaby.

I told God he was funny.

The bells are ringing.

Week 33

Week ending June 20

"Kind of like a coda"

I asked can you hear me and she said, what?

Well maybe the first thing is worse.

The type of woman who feels more confident by announcing her fears.

This is the first day all week I feel kind of rested.

Continuously grateful and out of focus.

Trying to leave the future behind.

I feel dizzy.

"The ritual is I get out my drumsticks."

repertoire hedging
eyelash shadows

"Remember what happened to Pygmalion."