Week 17
It is that I have karma to work off; it is trying to prevent something from happening that I don't know about.
I pushed too hard, and things just want to break.
The internet kills what it wants to breed.
Nothing happens when you are ready for it.
Most people are not satanists.
The gestures that communicate.
I'm glad I've found out the truth.
She loves Go Tell It on the Mountain.
You have to be conscious of what the situation really is.
I thought I just didn't know how to do it.
Oppen: "To stand alone is not my problem. That is easily done. Too easily."
I think there are sequences and steps to things I know absolutely nothing about.
Now with Pluto downgraded we are in the age of 8 planets.
He says he lost the ability to form words.
"Bruno was obsessed with the number thirty."
But seemingly concordant, coming to the chapter The Parable of the Phantom City just as I found Guillermo Parra's Phantasmal Repeats.
Anger at strangers is merely pre-hurt.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Week ending February 14
Week 16
And it was like wandering through a city or country you lived in years and years ago.
If I were of a mystical bent, or if I was into number symbolism, I would be very curious indeed.
Plutosofia
Maybe it was a part of a nightmare, but it is a nightmare that is my actual life.
And maybe that is what I want to say to myself.
The confidence to say things very precisely.
It is the last aspect of that fear that will be defeated.
Why do I always dream of cows?
The only thing that's a matter of life or death, is life or death literally.
Why do I write things like that down?
As long as the question remains unanswered or is vaguely answered.
This relay race of fermatas.
Giving up my bias.
Maybe there is nothing my psyche has to tell me.
Mutability a strength.
And it was like wandering through a city or country you lived in years and years ago.
If I were of a mystical bent, or if I was into number symbolism, I would be very curious indeed.
Plutosofia
Maybe it was a part of a nightmare, but it is a nightmare that is my actual life.
And maybe that is what I want to say to myself.
The confidence to say things very precisely.
It is the last aspect of that fear that will be defeated.
Why do I always dream of cows?
The only thing that's a matter of life or death, is life or death literally.
Why do I write things like that down?
As long as the question remains unanswered or is vaguely answered.
This relay race of fermatas.
Giving up my bias.
Maybe there is nothing my psyche has to tell me.
Mutability a strength.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Week ending February 7
Week 15
Where we are going is unclear but there are blankets and teddybears and boxes.
Replacement emotions.
How stress evaporates the memories of dreams.
A list of all my current writing projects.
Trying to think about the idea of beginninglessness and it is freaking me out.
Or, existence never began, but time did.
Scalapino: "Later, I had a logic of dis-placement by which I lived as writing."
I don't know if a change is coming to me or I'm coming to a change.
Questioning if consciousness is an invention of nature because nature abhors a vacuum?
Have I ever written in red before?
Private writing vs public writing, and private living vs public living.
Those few who are hyper-conscious and seem to get off on reality itself.
At least I had a context so that when she read the line "daughters will have to fuck him in other ways", I didn't completely go ewww.
Overheard: "It's ricey and grassy at the same time."
And so I feel invisible and like I am the unspoken.
I was suspended in this fermata of strength.
But maybe in that context it was a compliment.
...and does the English language not have a word for this or do we just want to insist on Russian imagery?
"when in the absence of earthquakes"
A choppy pseudo-robotic tone of voice, but the language forces it.
I imagine myself doing same, but wouldn't.
"Not only do I not like objects, I am afraid of them."
Where we are going is unclear but there are blankets and teddybears and boxes.
Replacement emotions.
How stress evaporates the memories of dreams.
A list of all my current writing projects.
Trying to think about the idea of beginninglessness and it is freaking me out.
Or, existence never began, but time did.
Scalapino: "Later, I had a logic of dis-placement by which I lived as writing."
I don't know if a change is coming to me or I'm coming to a change.
Questioning if consciousness is an invention of nature because nature abhors a vacuum?
Have I ever written in red before?
Private writing vs public writing, and private living vs public living.
Those few who are hyper-conscious and seem to get off on reality itself.
At least I had a context so that when she read the line "daughters will have to fuck him in other ways", I didn't completely go ewww.
Overheard: "It's ricey and grassy at the same time."
And so I feel invisible and like I am the unspoken.
I was suspended in this fermata of strength.
But maybe in that context it was a compliment.
...and does the English language not have a word for this or do we just want to insist on Russian imagery?
"when in the absence of earthquakes"
A choppy pseudo-robotic tone of voice, but the language forces it.
I imagine myself doing same, but wouldn't.
"Not only do I not like objects, I am afraid of them."
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Week ending January 31
Week 14
A scientist. Selling Tupperware.
I didn't connect that it was extreme until after he left.
Questioning the ability to shakes things off vs am I repressing?
My left hand gripping muscle pulled.
The illusion of help.
More grace in just playing that role.
I apologize for everything.
I must have fallen asleep somewhere.
The back of the couch is the trunk of a car.
"Carrie, I don't know what you're talking about, but did you see her dress?"
sceneless, seamless
"Does it help at all to consider that in part your affliction is the artist's?" (Duncan to Levertov, Letter 422)
Nice to be at the end of something that's also new.
A letter from the post office.
Justified by my reaction.
Sad places to be.
And the linear interrupts.
A scientist. Selling Tupperware.
I didn't connect that it was extreme until after he left.
Questioning the ability to shakes things off vs am I repressing?
My left hand gripping muscle pulled.
The illusion of help.
More grace in just playing that role.
I apologize for everything.
I must have fallen asleep somewhere.
The back of the couch is the trunk of a car.
"Carrie, I don't know what you're talking about, but did you see her dress?"
sceneless, seamless
"Does it help at all to consider that in part your affliction is the artist's?" (Duncan to Levertov, Letter 422)
Nice to be at the end of something that's also new.
A letter from the post office.
Justified by my reaction.
Sad places to be.
And the linear interrupts.
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