Week 9
What is broken is in my way.
My predictions for 2008.
I might be remembering the wrong thing or replacing a false memory over the real one that I can't remember or because I can't remember.
Connection between banking adjustments and yoga ones.
No decision was ever made yet we change course anyway.
I must be the cow.
Someone asking Jon Waters for a pardon.
I need to have nightmares for a poetry project.
I will be sad when it's done.
This is the last page of the notebook that lasted only exactly two months.
Something to do with becoming a star and a bleeding fire which does not hurt.
(Vol. II)
Maybe words only limit because no word exists for this place that I dreamt of and so I have to come up with an approximation that is not quite right.
Definitions necessarily limit.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Week ending December 20
Week 8
Predetermining loses.
A list of Goodwill finds.
He says his life is changed.
My ears are ringing.
It looked weird so I didn't eat it.
Texans always want to fight and clear the air.
I want to paint my nails and I don't want to paint my nails.
How my narrative returns.
"beginning dump of physical memory"
Or is all religion merely a secularism overlaid onto spirituality?
That my way of making do has become the thing I cling to.
Dreamt of a house. I always dream of a house.
Or if I am happy to be sad.
I can't get away but that doesn't seem to be the question.
A list of things you can do in a building with no purpose.
A list of possible chapbooks embedded in this diary.
A list of things I need to do on the computer.
NPR says that the word solstice means "the sun standing still."
Predetermining loses.
A list of Goodwill finds.
He says his life is changed.
My ears are ringing.
It looked weird so I didn't eat it.
Texans always want to fight and clear the air.
I want to paint my nails and I don't want to paint my nails.
How my narrative returns.
"beginning dump of physical memory"
Or is all religion merely a secularism overlaid onto spirituality?
That my way of making do has become the thing I cling to.
Dreamt of a house. I always dream of a house.
Or if I am happy to be sad.
I can't get away but that doesn't seem to be the question.
A list of things you can do in a building with no purpose.
A list of possible chapbooks embedded in this diary.
A list of things I need to do on the computer.
NPR says that the word solstice means "the sun standing still."
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Week ending December 13
Week 7
Realizing this is what I've come from and what made me.
I remember running with Ginger.
The story of my father:
A memory of being depressed in this particular weather
makes this particular weather seem to be of depression itself.
This was the first dead end we've ever reached.
He grimaced in his way.
If there's nothing to do why are you doing it?
I believe in myriadity.
Because of the snowflake rule.
The character said this is like the house you will have.
A list of my vacation failures.
And instead of related to movement, travel, being on the road, it is a stationary running – standing absolutely still and the energy that can be contained in absolute stillness.
Not sure if I should lie down or keep writing.
A list of my cold symptoms' progression.
"The business of acknowledging the sea."
Realizing this is what I've come from and what made me.
I remember running with Ginger.
The story of my father:
A memory of being depressed in this particular weather
makes this particular weather seem to be of depression itself.
This was the first dead end we've ever reached.
He grimaced in his way.
If there's nothing to do why are you doing it?
I believe in myriadity.
Because of the snowflake rule.
The character said this is like the house you will have.
A list of my vacation failures.
And instead of related to movement, travel, being on the road, it is a stationary running – standing absolutely still and the energy that can be contained in absolute stillness.
Not sure if I should lie down or keep writing.
A list of my cold symptoms' progression.
"The business of acknowledging the sea."
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Week ending December 6
Week 6
Sand on the freeway.
It is the only way to beat that cycle.
Geologies become geometry.
Not used to sharing things.
The flavor pinecone (no pineapple) and invisible knitting.
"I like toys better than people." "Me too."
I think the past is more in the past now.
Vile and delicious.
We are having "rest time."
Wasn't something I wanted to do, but easy once I did it.
Or is it my memory changes?
But I think there might be a meaning beyond meaning.
The energy states that steady creativity creates is it's own purpose.
"I kind of looked there."
Tried to get a clean glass and it smells like vinegar.
There is no explanation for this.
Maybe I don't need to drink.
Sand on the freeway.
It is the only way to beat that cycle.
Geologies become geometry.
Not used to sharing things.
The flavor pinecone (no pineapple) and invisible knitting.
"I like toys better than people." "Me too."
I think the past is more in the past now.
Vile and delicious.
We are having "rest time."
Wasn't something I wanted to do, but easy once I did it.
Or is it my memory changes?
But I think there might be a meaning beyond meaning.
The energy states that steady creativity creates is it's own purpose.
"I kind of looked there."
Tried to get a clean glass and it smells like vinegar.
There is no explanation for this.
Maybe I don't need to drink.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Week ending November 30
Week 5
Everything you think will be beautiful, often is not.
Noise and clanging.
Overheard: "Jeff, whip."
Tomorrow needs to be an all fruit day.
Most of us not having the bravery to lie down.
Blaser's The Holy Forest; "wheel turns into ecstasy."
The place you reside being not the place you reside.
How my portionality, which works so well in poetry, does not work so well with others.
"What's the opposite of debit?"
As if if is is.
The moon in his horns.
The airport's antimaterialist insistence.
It's hard to remember the right stories anymore.
I like her languages.
A list of things I forgot.
Instead of "the work," came across Duncan's phrase, "the effort."
That seemed an insincere action, so I got up.
A completely unpolitical femininity - but in its unpoliticalness is a sort of politicalness.
Whatever reason we are here for - it is not to be comfortable.
My mother wants me to write the line "a long way to go for a sunset," but I really liked "you don't often see the sun itself, you just see evidence of the sun."
Children playing with fire, and we watch.
Advent is a countdown.
Everything you think will be beautiful, often is not.
Noise and clanging.
Overheard: "Jeff, whip."
Tomorrow needs to be an all fruit day.
Most of us not having the bravery to lie down.
Blaser's The Holy Forest; "wheel turns into ecstasy."
The place you reside being not the place you reside.
How my portionality, which works so well in poetry, does not work so well with others.
"What's the opposite of debit?"
As if if is is.
The moon in his horns.
The airport's antimaterialist insistence.
It's hard to remember the right stories anymore.
I like her languages.
A list of things I forgot.
Instead of "the work," came across Duncan's phrase, "the effort."
That seemed an insincere action, so I got up.
A completely unpolitical femininity - but in its unpoliticalness is a sort of politicalness.
Whatever reason we are here for - it is not to be comfortable.
My mother wants me to write the line "a long way to go for a sunset," but I really liked "you don't often see the sun itself, you just see evidence of the sun."
Children playing with fire, and we watch.
Advent is a countdown.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Week ending November 22
Week 4
Maybe an accidental loneliness.
It is easy but it is not easy.
Why do I remember remembering my dreams in the moment but then later - now - I don't at all, but I have a memory of remembering?
A great hangover.
Rene Char and hope is the opposite of destiny?
I want to turn my emotions into buildings.
So I know the solution *is* multiplicity.
No one really needs sleep and if they do, they get it.
I came home and just sat in bed grinning.
Outbind
Confetti
Walking and reading
Operation Failed
Completely Pepperminted
"We're not nonprofit, we're not for profit."
What's real is what happens.
Everything on my right hurts.
There is a fly in the house - it was flying around while I was watching Diary of a Chambermaid. Now it is very still near the ceiling above Diane di Prima's Seminary Poems.
Bliss is contingent on nonbliss.
Listening to Lumin's Datura, perfect music for writing to in the morning.
There were forms to be filled out and someone's name repeated.
"Catching the stairs"
yellow umbrella
loaf of bread
brick layers
"Not in the mood to move."
I wonder if Matt Gonzalez gets stoned? Nader?
I will have only lofty thoughts in Texas.
Is what's draining about the internet the fact that it is endless? Books have boundaries.
He'd be cuter if he were more postmodern.
The theme was madlibs.
A list of poets who I would die for, poetically.
I can't be too much in the past because there is no place for me there.
811B612 is not there.
Overheard: "Why don't you stop reading everybody else's shit and read your own?"
and
"Should I color the Philippines purple or green?"
Maybe an accidental loneliness.
It is easy but it is not easy.
Why do I remember remembering my dreams in the moment but then later - now - I don't at all, but I have a memory of remembering?
A great hangover.
Rene Char and hope is the opposite of destiny?
I want to turn my emotions into buildings.
So I know the solution *is* multiplicity.
No one really needs sleep and if they do, they get it.
I came home and just sat in bed grinning.
Outbind
Confetti
Walking and reading
Operation Failed
Completely Pepperminted
"We're not nonprofit, we're not for profit."
What's real is what happens.
Everything on my right hurts.
There is a fly in the house - it was flying around while I was watching Diary of a Chambermaid. Now it is very still near the ceiling above Diane di Prima's Seminary Poems.
Bliss is contingent on nonbliss.
Listening to Lumin's Datura, perfect music for writing to in the morning.
There were forms to be filled out and someone's name repeated.
"Catching the stairs"
yellow umbrella
loaf of bread
brick layers
"Not in the mood to move."
I wonder if Matt Gonzalez gets stoned? Nader?
I will have only lofty thoughts in Texas.
Is what's draining about the internet the fact that it is endless? Books have boundaries.
He'd be cuter if he were more postmodern.
The theme was madlibs.
A list of poets who I would die for, poetically.
I can't be too much in the past because there is no place for me there.
811B612 is not there.
Overheard: "Why don't you stop reading everybody else's shit and read your own?"
and
"Should I color the Philippines purple or green?"
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Week Ending November 15
Week 3
People help so much.
I didn't have a pipe because I don't have a pipe.
Only problem with today is.
I feel too tired to write but wish I had a butterfly pen.
Inanimate spiritualities.
I look branded.
A weird preciseness.
The most not light a light can be.
A very minor long term earthquake?
He is making us whole through our parts.
Found my monocular.
Not In Order.
The thinking needs to stop.
Sign: "Please Let Others Enjoy Reading."
"When you grow up your heart dies."
Trying to decide whether to make coffee or go get coffee.
There is one very long word - if I could remember it I could remember my dream - but I can't remember it.
In the past, the past was the present, which we sometimes forget.
A cinnamon accident.
My suspense in suspense.
Seeing a small feather inside a crevice.
This is not today.
We were all artists and had easels.
Overheard: "It's about time we had a natural disaster."
I don't think there is anything you can do about flying cardboard.
Email: "Phishing, vishing, and now 'smishing'."
Overheard: "Sometimes you've got to be bad to be good."
My favorite public spaces type situation.
It's not like God meant for me not to do laundry.
Either baby diapers - shrimp - or barf.
Took a xanax after, not before, as I should have.
Overheard: "I think I see your window."
People help so much.
I didn't have a pipe because I don't have a pipe.
Only problem with today is.
I feel too tired to write but wish I had a butterfly pen.
Inanimate spiritualities.
I look branded.
A weird preciseness.
The most not light a light can be.
A very minor long term earthquake?
He is making us whole through our parts.
Found my monocular.
Not In Order.
The thinking needs to stop.
Sign: "Please Let Others Enjoy Reading."
"When you grow up your heart dies."
Trying to decide whether to make coffee or go get coffee.
There is one very long word - if I could remember it I could remember my dream - but I can't remember it.
In the past, the past was the present, which we sometimes forget.
A cinnamon accident.
My suspense in suspense.
Seeing a small feather inside a crevice.
This is not today.
We were all artists and had easels.
Overheard: "It's about time we had a natural disaster."
I don't think there is anything you can do about flying cardboard.
Email: "Phishing, vishing, and now 'smishing'."
Overheard: "Sometimes you've got to be bad to be good."
My favorite public spaces type situation.
It's not like God meant for me not to do laundry.
Either baby diapers - shrimp - or barf.
Took a xanax after, not before, as I should have.
Overheard: "I think I see your window."
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Week ending November 7
Week 2
I said I was happy because I had the rest of the day off and I was getting a new car! I was the husband. The shrink might have been the car dealer/salesman.
He was trying to be cool — I was trying to be the cool that he thinks is cool.
I definitely want to talk about pears.
I think I inspire physical discomfort.
One thing that doesn't piss me off are liars.
Java is disabled on computers at work.
Like I am paying attention to myself.
Someone knifed in the word Morpheus on this table. Or maybe it is pencil.
Trying to drink water constantly.
I am in the building that has no purpose.
A list of poetry teachers and yoga teachers and what I learned from each.
A poem called "November 4, 2008" made up entirely of things heard on NPR.
A list of all the halloween costumes I saw this year.
Maybe all learning has an erotic component to it.
Thought about fashion in the "aughts" being completely nondescript.
Eating two lunches on Thursday, afraid to hurt anyone's feelings.
The memory is something I can see and simultaneously not see.
"I seem to be having a cliche with getting my account set up."
The problem with hope is that it makes you think about what you don't have and wish you had, and that is really depressing. Before, when you had no hope, were pre-hope, you just dealt with things as they were, as they came.
People are intermittent.
And so struck and flabbergasted by all the MEDIA! Everywhere!
Wrote Prose Poem #76.
If you weren't miserable you wouldn't need to have hope.
I am eating pistachios in bed and there are shells everywhere.
A map of a trip I never took.
Fantasy of a cafe to cafe reading-a-thon.
I said I was happy because I had the rest of the day off and I was getting a new car! I was the husband. The shrink might have been the car dealer/salesman.
He was trying to be cool — I was trying to be the cool that he thinks is cool.
I definitely want to talk about pears.
I think I inspire physical discomfort.
One thing that doesn't piss me off are liars.
Java is disabled on computers at work.
Like I am paying attention to myself.
Someone knifed in the word Morpheus on this table. Or maybe it is pencil.
Trying to drink water constantly.
I am in the building that has no purpose.
A list of poetry teachers and yoga teachers and what I learned from each.
A poem called "November 4, 2008" made up entirely of things heard on NPR.
A list of all the halloween costumes I saw this year.
Maybe all learning has an erotic component to it.
Thought about fashion in the "aughts" being completely nondescript.
Eating two lunches on Thursday, afraid to hurt anyone's feelings.
The memory is something I can see and simultaneously not see.
"I seem to be having a cliche with getting my account set up."
The problem with hope is that it makes you think about what you don't have and wish you had, and that is really depressing. Before, when you had no hope, were pre-hope, you just dealt with things as they were, as they came.
People are intermittent.
And so struck and flabbergasted by all the MEDIA! Everywhere!
Wrote Prose Poem #76.
If you weren't miserable you wouldn't need to have hope.
I am eating pistachios in bed and there are shells everywhere.
A map of a trip I never took.
Fantasy of a cafe to cafe reading-a-thon.
Week ending November 1
Week 1
It is a way of loving the world.
"It's certainly hard to have a film career, a crazy mom, and a 13 year old son living with you."
After so much time never getting any closure, suddenly one day you get twelve.
I miss time but when I have it I throw it away and daydream.
I wonder is it cold today or only a fake cold.
"You can only stay strong for so long."
I have a strange fate for this.
the word "clarisonous"
I almost wanted to hop.
I've been counting all day!
Too lazy for porn.
I walk, so it's not like clockwork.
But the connections we make are arbitrary.
Ate a ginseng candy and feel a heartburn in my back.
All enjoyments are the same enjoyment.
"Dearly Departed."
Either really intense or just less intense.
Listening to Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball over and over.
Why do butterflies symbolize nervousness?
A list of things I've lost.
I made "details" a breed.
I asked for nightmares, and I got two.
The nostalgia of a still-wet towel from the day before.
I am not having conversations anymore.
Broccoli-bread.
I finally bolted the window.
I can't make this into anything except what it is.
At least I am drunk so I am not depressed.
"The pitfalls of constantly counting."
A grocery list.
A list of internet searches to search.
A list of things overheard.
"Toss away your play ghosts."
I remember forgetting to do something.
Elevators always act up in the rain.
I want to bake wheatless bread but I have a fear of my stove.
I don't know if twig tea is on the diet.
It is so easy to make bad choices.
List of things to do tomorrow.
A found booklet of drawings not done by me.
It is a way of loving the world.
"It's certainly hard to have a film career, a crazy mom, and a 13 year old son living with you."
After so much time never getting any closure, suddenly one day you get twelve.
I miss time but when I have it I throw it away and daydream.
I wonder is it cold today or only a fake cold.
"You can only stay strong for so long."
I have a strange fate for this.
the word "clarisonous"
I almost wanted to hop.
I've been counting all day!
Too lazy for porn.
I walk, so it's not like clockwork.
But the connections we make are arbitrary.
Ate a ginseng candy and feel a heartburn in my back.
All enjoyments are the same enjoyment.
"Dearly Departed."
Either really intense or just less intense.
Listening to Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball over and over.
Why do butterflies symbolize nervousness?
A list of things I've lost.
I made "details" a breed.
I asked for nightmares, and I got two.
The nostalgia of a still-wet towel from the day before.
I am not having conversations anymore.
Broccoli-bread.
I finally bolted the window.
I can't make this into anything except what it is.
At least I am drunk so I am not depressed.
"The pitfalls of constantly counting."
A grocery list.
A list of internet searches to search.
A list of things overheard.
"Toss away your play ghosts."
I remember forgetting to do something.
Elevators always act up in the rain.
I want to bake wheatless bread but I have a fear of my stove.
I don't know if twig tea is on the diet.
It is so easy to make bad choices.
List of things to do tomorrow.
A found booklet of drawings not done by me.
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